Biking 2 Work

Morning Commute:
Total Distance: 9.40 miles
Total Time: 34m 18s
Max Speed: 34.8mph
Avg Speed: 16.4mph
Avg H/Rate: 159bpm
Cadence: 80rpm

Well, I had a dream last night that I pulled in front of a copper who was parked in an ASL. He questioned why I had pulled up in front of him despite there being no room, to which I replied:

“Well SIR – whilst travelling up the road, due to traffic, I could not see the ASL in front, which, in ‘theory’ should be empty. Upon getting closer, I spotted a police van, and of course, being driven by a police officer, I knew that the ASL would be empty for me.

Unfortunately, the presumption that an officer of the law would know what they where doing was a mistake, and I can assure you officer, that I will not be doing that again.”

He then asked me to pull over and arrested me and wouldn’t let me put my bike in the back of his van. He also didn’t realise that I had a camera on my helmet and it was all recorded.

Needless to say, I won a great big court case and all of a sudden, the ASL’s where car free

Shame IT WAS ONLY A FUCKING DREAM

I woke up and had a pain in the bottom of my left leg – it started hurting last night as I sprinted past a fellow cyclist going up a hill. I shouldn’t have done it, and felt it pull on me.

I started to get ready, but putting on a pair of jeans and t-shirt, and then I just thought to myself – FUCK IT. If its going to hurt, then I’ll take my time and cycle in – the weather is pleasant enough.

Fortunately for me – it was just a twinge and I don’t seem to be having any after effects and the ride in was a cracker – no incidents aimed at me. I just had the pleasure of watching dickhead cyclists career through red lights as if they weren’t there.

I am, in relation to the dream, considering a backpack cover that says “Our ASL. Your License. 3 points. £60 fine”" as I was nearly run into by a lady in a Land Rover.

I presume she was trying to get close to me to read the back pack though, as when I was going round the corner she stayed well clear!

Fingers crossed for an uneventful journey home.

Morning Commute:
Total Distance: 9.47 miles
Total Time: 35m 24s
Max Speed: 33.5mph
Avg Speed: 16mph
Avg H/Rate: 153bpm
Cadence: 79rpm

Did the new backpack cover work today? I think so. Whether the weather, whether the cover, I felt safe from behind and I had no bover.

In front of me was another story.

I was cycling down Hyde Road at about 22mph, keeping up with traffic in front, when a guy from the right hand lane pulled into the front of me (the left lane was moving quicker). Queue my dexterous fingers as I applied pressure to the grey plasticy things on the front of my handles and I slowed down and pulled out right to where it was safe.

I tapped on his window and he seemed surprised to see me.

He electronically moved his window from the closed to open position, and I politely said “You nearly took me out there”.

(I’ve decided a different approach for my incidents for the rest of the week).

He promptly apologised and explained his mistake by the fact that he couldn’t see through his wing mirror when he was pulling out (I’ll come back to that in a minute).

I said that it was no worries and off I went, making sure he could see the backpack.

Thats is.

Oh – on the “I’ll come back to that in a minute”… Is it just me, or do you all agree. If the sun is shining in your mirrors and you “can not” see what is behind you or at the sides of you due to this – the sensible thing is to STAY THE FUCK WHERE YOU ARE?

Or, as I said… is that just me?

Evening Commute:
Total Distance: 9.04 miles
Total Time: 40m 10s
Max Speed: 32.8mph
Avg Speed: 13.5mph
Avg H/Rate: 154bpm
Cadence: 78rpm

Has the backpack been a lucky charm? I hope so. A pretty uneventful trip home from the back. From the front I had another numpty pull out without looking.

He didn’t appreciate me tapping on his big 4×4 window and waving at him and smiling.

Infact, I think it confused him.

I can live with things going wrong in front of me – as I have a modicum of control over it.

I did witness a lorry trying to cause a crash with a bus in front of me – but luckily, the bus driver had his wits about him.

Oh, and I also saw an impatient bastard drive over the pavement to get stuck in a queue to get his jeep cleaned Its not as if ANYONE in the queue that he bypassed by using the pavement was actually going into the car wash.

I gave a polite shake of my head as I cycled past.

Morning Commute:
Total Time: 34m 59s
Total Distance: 9.48 miles
Max Speed: 34mph
Avg Speed: 16.3mph
Avg H/Rate: 157bpm
Cadence: 80rpm

Why do I hate the Muvi I hear you ask? Why? I’ll tell you why…

Today was the perfect opportunity to get a video which would show the pedestrians of Manchester what a bunch of fucking arrogant self centred ignorant arseholes they actually are.

Wow I hear you state. You’ve only just realised that?

No – have I fuck, but having footage today of what happened would have meant that I could have hacked into the BBC screen at the Triangle and shown them all.

I was coming onto cross street around 20mph, behind a car turning left and went through whilst my lights where on green. As the car was turning left I had to slow, meaning that the lights changed whilst I was half way across.

One pedestrian didn’t look as they walked out, forcing evasive action from me and my back wheel lifting off the road.

I gained control again pretty quickly as this woman squirrelled back to the pavement and as I set off again – three more pedetrians walked right in front of me and one right into the side of me. Actually walking into the side of me. I’m bright blue with a big orange back pack and I’ve just nearly crushed a pedestrian that you three clearly witnessed and one of you still manages to walk into the side of me.

I get a glare from, what I can only describe as a very ugly poodle with a womans body and I shouted “you’ve all gotta be fucking kidding me”.

What I haven’t explained is that behind me was a bus coming through their lights on a blind corner, so had no clue I was stuck in the middle of the road. Fortunately for me, the driver is obviously used to the douche bags creating havok on “the roads” and took the corner slowly and waited for me to regain my composure.

Now, had I gone through a red light I would have had no-one else to blame but myself BUT I DIDN’T.

Why on earth would “grown up” people walk across around without looking to their right, especially as traffic from the junction could be turning into them?  Would they have blamed a driver had one of them ploughed into them? Probably… Shame I don’t have footage of that.

These people should be paying fucking road tax (of course I jest).

Now I’m angry, and I’ve just typed all that and forgot to tell you that on Hyde Road I was nearly killed by a young woman who pulled into the left lane doing 10mph whilst I was doing 20mph without indication, so had no change to slow down for her.

She didn’t like the fact that I punched her car and subsequently jumped back into the outside lane without indicating, right into the path of a van. Shame they didn’t collide.

Oh god – I’ve also forgot to tell you why I hate the Muvi… The bastard light claimed it was “fully charged”. The bastard light is a liar. Its a serial liar. Infact, I think that light is also a serial killer who lights its victims bodies of fire with electricity sparks – how else can the fucker run out so quick.

So now I have no footage.

Evening Commute:
Total Time: 38m 42s
Total Distance: 8.63 miles
Max Speed: 30.5mph
Avg Speed: 13.4mph
Avg H/Rate: 156bpm
Cadence: 81rpm

Those of you who know me know that I rarely write much bullshit on a Monday evening, as, as soon as I get in from work, I have to start getting ready to play a game of football which involved me driving 4 miles out of my way to pick someone up.

Needs must, as they say, and it gives me some singing time, which I rarely get much of!

How was the trip home? Pretty good. Absolutely no near misses. No twats. No attempts on my life.

I did see a silly woman take a right turn in a “Buses Only Allowed To Right Turn” lane right in front of an officer of the police variety, but they have much better things to do in Manchester.

I then witnessed a bus driving up the cycle lane, but as there where no cyclists in front, and I stayed well behind, then it didn’t bother me much.

I was surprised, when I was pulled up in traffic, that a cyclist managed to creep through the 1 1/2ft space that I left between me and the kerb.

I also had the pleasure of overtaking someone who cheekily said evening to me as I had pulled up in traffic and he snook through the middle

Lets hope that this lovely weather keeps up and people drive around with less of a rush – meaning that all cyclists in Manchester get home safe and sound.

Morning Commute:
Total Distance: 9.48 miles
Total Time: 34m 38s
Max Speed: 31.3mph
Avg Speed: 16.4mph
Avg H/Rate: 147bpm
Cadence: 84rpm

Phew. As ChrisB has just said on Twitter: “What a morning. I feel sorry for all those people stuck in their cars”

And he’s right. A bit chilly, but a great ride in. Of course there where idiots. I had three people pull their cars out on me without looking – one smirked at me when they realised and then I smirked back when he realised he had no seatbelt on.

Shame he didn’t have to slam his brakes on – would have made a great youtube video!

I also had a BMW driver overtake me forcing me to swerve, as we where coming to speed bumps. Hopefully I’ve captured it on camera as my battery packed in on the way in.

Oxford Road saw a cyclist bump up onto the pavement without looking right into the path of a chap running. What a fucking idiot.

He just cycled off.

Then, of course, you have your RLJing douchebags that you just keep catching back up to. Look people. THERE IS NOTHING SAFE ABOUT JUMPING A RED LIGHT. Its a lazy excuse. Either stick to the rules or get off your fucking bicycle and walk.

Evening Commute:
Total Distance: 9.06 miles
Total Time: 38m 46s
Max Speed: 31.2mph
Avg Speed: 14.0mph
Avg H/Rate: 149bpm
Cadence: 81rpm

What a bloody glorious evening! So glorious, I even left half my biking gear at work (I have to drive tomorrow as I am in hospital in the afternoon and can’t be going all hot and sweaty).

It seems that the glorious evening has washed off on most people too – winding their windows down, letting their lovely cigarette smoke drift into cyclists lungs as they are steadily progressing through the traffic chaos that they are causing.

For the last 3 miles of my journey I also had a companion as we got chatting at Denton Roundabout – this spurred me on a little bit and I clocked my fastest ever commute day at under 1h 14s! I was struggling towards the end of last year to get it under 1hr 20m so thats a good chunk!

Now, I will miss cycling tomorrow, but needs must – so don’t worry (Dick) if I don’t blog anything!

Safe journeys people.