Home at last
Now in front of my ‘puta
But I’ve stubbed my toe
On my daughters scooter

I screamed to the heavens
I screamed to the sky
“Why the fuck me god?”
“Why O Why”

The cunt didn’t answer.

Update 1: My little toe nail is hanging off, shall I pull it off?
Update 2: You didn’t have time to answer, and I’ve pulled it off. It hurt
Update 3: My little toe looks ugly, so am going to superglue my nail back on
Update 4: Fuck me, that hurt… Remember folks – NEVER apply superglue to an open wound.

Update 5: I’ve just checked in to Tameside General in foursquare and gowalla

Tags: poem

It’s up and down like a sex machine
One with a piston if you know what I mean.
It’s really beginning to get to me.
This constant loss of fucking 3G

Update: it’s back
Update 2: it’s gone
Update 3: it’s back again
Update 4: gone
Update 5: back

Is it possible that the 3G quality can be so different on opposite sides of the track? Not a problem this morning, but on way back, it’s been up and down like a used condom caught up in a fight between a magpie and a field mouse!

Tags: poem

Like an open chasm
The Grand Canyon
Earthquake ridden
Plates shifting

I could fit my fist in
Yours too
Driving me mad
When she fucking chews

Update: she’s stopped chewing for now.

Update 2: do you think it would upset her if I told her she had a moustache?

Update 3: yes – yes it did.

Update 4: she’s crying on the phone to her husband.

Update 5: the ‘stash (affectionate name terms now) has just had a glass of milk so has two moustaches now!

Update 6: she’s put her coat on but as she lifted her arm up, she nearly swallowed her hand.

Update 7: putting her laptop away. Just had a quick nosey in her bag… Bic razor – should I suggest she uses it?

Update 8: I did. Oops.

Update 9: crying on the phone again

Tags: poem

I look out of my window
And I’m feeling really sick
All that I can see
Is the reflection of the dick

THATS NICKED MY FUCKING RESERVED SEAT!!

Update:
The pair of cunts have caught a later train and their tickets state that they should be on the 10:25 from Manchester…

They had to pay an extra £130 for the privellage

My ticket was only £55.

Sweet sweet justice. And now they are sulking and talking about complaining.

Ha ha ha.

Tags: poem