Morning Commute:
Its difficult. I’m not slow on the roads. I can keep up with moving traffic most of the time, and most of the time its at, or just over the speed limit. The issue is, the traffic in school times is bad. This means that the driving standards drop too.

Total Distance: 9.27 miles
Total Time: 32m 02s
Max Speed: 33mph
Avg Speed: 17.4mph
Max H/Rate: 187bpm
Avg H/Rate: 170bpm
Cadence: 86rpm

I was sat in traffic right in the middle of the road and a twat in an Audi (sorry Lez) tried to push into the inside of me, and just missed hitting my left leg.

I kept my calm and just commented that I hoped he was joking and then sat there slowly moving, only to watch a cyclist – who couldn’t be arsed waiting in the traffic, just hop up onto the pavement and shoot off into the distance.

Still – I managed to make it into work again at a reasonable pace, even though my heart rate hit a big high.

Am not picking Lily up tonight so will stay off road for as much as I can tonight, which means heading down Wilmslow Road again – probably the worst cycle lane in Manchester.

Happy times!!

Evening Commute:
Total Distance: 10.17 miles
Total Time: 40m 05s
Max Speed: 33.5 mph
Avg Speed: 15.2mph
Max H/Rate: 182 bpm
Avg H/Rate: 164bpm
Cadence: 83rpm

Am more than happy with the time taken to get home, and more than happy with my average speed. Unfortunately I didn’t have my camera on tonight as I have a new helmet (and shoes, bib shorts, cap and top) but more on that tomorrow.

There wasn’t many issues on the road, although it still baffles me why people are adamant they must overtake you and pull in quickly to get to the lights before you, little realising that you can just saunter around them to the unblocked (ha ha – what a joke) ASL in front.

Morning Commute:
Another commute. This time wet and windy. This time not as packed with people out to kill me – but still a few appeared.

Total Distance: 9.52 miles
Total Time: 33m 08s
Max Speed: 33.7mph
Avg Speed: 17.2mph
Max H/Rate: 189bpm
Avg H/Rate: 171bpm
Cadence: 85rpm

Not at all happy with my heart rate, but will have become a little unfit due to lack of bike exercise / man flu. Am sure that it will come down in the next week or so – that or I need to see a doctor.

Evening Commute:
Interesting. Really thought it was going to be a bad commute – but it wasn’t. Rather pleasant, but still quite a few oddballs on the road. Had a chat with a lovely cyclist in Denton.

Total Distance: 8.85 miles
Total Time: 36m 59s
Max Speed: 31.0mph
Avg Speed: 14.4mph
Cadence: 83rpm

On a side note there are no heart rate states because I misplaced my heart rate monitor. I instantly blamed the twat who challenged me to ride up Old Road in Llandudno as he is a prankster. Unfortunately, it wasn’t him and I’d put it in my bag like a good boy.

D’oh!

I’ve put on a modicum of weight recently due to lack of motivation for exercise. I decided this morning that I was going to get off my arse and cycle to work. I mean, I’m paying money every month for a bike that was sat in the kitchen gathering dust.

Total Distance: 9.51 miles
Total Time: 31m 07s
Max Speed: 38mph
Avg Speed: 18.3mph
Max H/Rate: 185bpm
Avg H/Rate: 169bpm
Avg Cadence: 86rpm

Needless to say, I now remember why I couldn’t be arsed cycling into work. People cutting me up. Douches trying to run me off my bike whilst they are sat in “fortress white van” and cock hole cyclists breezing through red light after red light because no-one is around to give them any shit.

Happy with the times. Happy with the speed. Thats it.

Evening Trip:
Fucking joke. Twats on the road. Twat bus driver. Twat in a van. Twat in a Land Rover.

Quite a few nice people out on the road too though.

Total Distance: 11.07 miles
Total Time: 47m 42s
Max Speed: 25.6mph
Avg Speed: 13.9mph
Max H/Rate: 185bpm
Avg H/Rate: 167bpm
Cadence: 82rpm

Video’s will follow.

British Gas supply us with our electricity and gas. They have done for numerous years.

Over these numerous years I have had run-ins with them because they’ve put our bills up astronomically without informing us. It wasn’t the fact they put them up – its the fact they put them up without warning (supposed to give 7 days notice according to them), but this “run in” is an absolute crock of shit.

About 6 months ago, New Charter completed a whole new set of new build houses on the spare land across the way from us. Regardless of the fact that they have since moved in a bunch of arseholes (so I have been told off other neighbours – we are yet to feel their wrath), these houses where connected to the network for electricity and gas… Obviously, otherwise there would be some housing regulations broke somewhere.

Not long after they moved these demons in – we received a letter addressed to Plot X, our street saying that we owed them money. It was addressed to “The Occupier”.

Interesting indeed.

We contacted them immediately and explained to them that, if they actually checked “our” genuine customer details, they would see that not only has our house been standing for upwards of 50 years – we have also been paying them rather large sums of money every month for the past 7 years (equal to £140 a month – might not be a lot to some, but thats a lot to us).

They apologised and said it won’t happen again.

About 4 weeks later we received another letter addressed to Plot X, our street, saying that we owed them money. This time it was addressed to me.

Interesting indeed.

We contacted them immediately and explained to them that, if they actually checked “our” genuine customer details, they would see that not only has our house been standing for upwards of 50 years – we have also been paying them rather large sums of money every month for the past 7 years (equal to £140 a month – might not be a lot to some, but thats a lot to us).

They apologised and said it won’t happen again.

About 4 weeks later we received another letter addressed to Plot X, our street, saying that we owed them money. This time it was addressed to me.

Interesting indeed.

We contacted them immediately and explained to them that, if they actually checked “our” genuine customer details, they would see that not only has our house been standing for upwards of 50 years – we have also been paying them rather large sums of money every month for the past 7 years (equal to £140 a month – might not be a lot to some, but thats a lot to us).

They apologised and said it won’t happen again.

Can you see where this is going?

About 6 weeks ago, we received another letter addressed to me at plot 9.

Interesting indeed.

Obligingly I rang the number again and explained the issue (again I might add). The chap on the other end of the phone was apologetic. Of course he was – he is paid to be apologetic for a fuck up that should have been solved about 6 months ago. He said it won’t happen again, but in the meantime, should I receive any more letters off them – we should just ignore them.

Not two weeks after that conversation, I got a letter addressed to me at Plot 9 (its quite clearly NOT A PLOT, ITS A BIG FUCKING HOUSE) so I ignored it, as advised by the “customer service” operator.

My wife has just passed me a letter – unfortunately one I can not ignore… Although they have now reverted back to “The Occupier” it now says:

Your gas is now at risk of disconnection.
You must pay the £156.80 you owe immediately.

Now, at last check (did you know that you can check your bills online – very clever indeed. If I can do it – SURELY A FUCKING CUSTOMER SERVICE OPERATOR WORKING FOR THEM CAN), they in fact owed us money, so why do we suddenly owe them money?

It goes on…

Despite contacting you several times to let you know that your gas bill had not been paid and to warn you of the possible consequences, if it remains unpaid, you have still not responded. As a result they have charged me an addition £14.00 administration fee to cover our reasonable costs of collecting your debt as mentioned in our last letter.

Ha ha ha. They’ve charged me £14 for billing me a fictitious bill. Of course the bill remains unpaid, because, despite me contacting you “several” times to tell you its not our bill, you haven’t listened.

Anyway, this letter goes on:

What Will Happen If I Don’t Pay?
We may take steps to disconnect your energy supply or exchange your current meter with a pay as you go meter. To do this we would apply for a court warrant and as a result, the following charges may be added to what you already owe us to cover our reasonable costs of taking these steps:

Cost of a visit to my property: £50.00
Application for a legal warrant to enter my property: £41.00
Execution of warrant up to: £187.00
Total Charges up to: £278.00

And, to top it all off… If my supply is disconnected. reconnection will cost £116.

Oh, and they may transfer my debt to a debt collection agency who will take the necessary action against me to recover the outstanding amount.

So now I am in a quandry.

We have acted reasonably in trying to sort this out and have tried on more than one occasion to assist them in the matter. We’ve explained about the new houses across the way and given them the new street names. The issue I have is that I don’t like being threatened when I haven’t done anything wrong.

Do I let this fester. Do I let them go as far as executing a warrant for the wrong property, so they come in and disconnect the electricity and gas, and then kick their arses in court (after first beating the shit out of the British Gas engineer who would effectively be breaking and entering my property), or do I conform as society (and British Gas) expects me to do and string this out for another 6 months, all the while letting the people across the road (who should have contacted their gas supplier by now) clock up a bigger bill because they haven’t tried to sort it out.

I did try and contact them at 7:55, but was on hold and by 8pm their phones auto disconnect.

So Peter Metcalf, Head of Operations at British Gas – Pop Quiz Hotshot… What do i do? What do I Do?

PS: By my working out, at my hourly rate of £65 an hour, British Gas owe me approximately £674 for labour charges. They also owe me for defamation of character and threatening behaviour… Perhaps its time I got Stan Madeley involved in a letter writing campaign…

Our trip to Llandudno approached and as usual I packed the bike ready for a long ride to wherever. Unfortunately this time, in the run up to the weekend, I was suffering (and still am to some degree) with a chest infection. Why unfortunate? Because of this:

The first bit – the flat bit  -was the run up to Old Road in Llandudno – a challenge set by a friend at work… Basically, Kings Road is the road that the tram runs up to the top of the Orme. I nearly cried when my Garmin stated 34% gradient at one stage. I also had to walk twice as it was just too steep. I’ve tried the Mow Cop, and it was a twat… This is much fucking harder. Much much harder.

This was the first part of the hill – at the bottom is no entry to vehicles, but as it was 6am in the morning, I didn’t think much of it as I pressed up. You can see the beach in the background – which is where I made my way from not 10 minutes previous (the flat bit of the elevation).

This is what was facing me the other way. Doesn’t look much on the photographs, but it was a pain in the arse.

This was the view down from the next part of my journey up the hill.

Half way up – with the half way tram station in the background.

More views down…

And the final look back down towards the beach before you are greeted with the following:

As a side note, just to the left of my bike you can see Sychnant Pass in the distance – it is not advisable to ride this hill pass at 6am in the morning over winter when its pitch black, as there are no street lights and its bendy and steep. I am speaking from experience, and there’s a post on here somewhere with pictures of what you see as you hit the bottom of the climb.

I also forgot to add that the climb up Kings Road happens in less than 1/2 a mile so, with a chest infection, you can imagine its rather a killer.

Just to show you that I aint being a wuss – can you spot Kings Road in this picture?

And for those blind people:

Anyway – by the time I had got to the top, I was crying in pain with my chest, so had to cut the ride short. I didn’t fancy riding down Kings Road as its STEEP AS FUCK, so went round the top and ended up having to go round the Orme to get home.

Total Distance: 10.11 miles
Total Time: 52m 12s
Max Speed: 34.1mph
Avg Speed: 11.6mph
Elevation: 990ft

On my way back home I noticed the swimming baths was open, so I asked what time they opened for a general swim. I was pleased to hear that they opened at 7am, and off I trundled with a master plan.

Y’see. I’m not very good at swimming. I totally lack confidence in swimming, and just generally don’t like being in the water. My plan was to swim as far as I could… I managed a whole mile – 64 laps and was pleased as punch with myself as that was the furthest I had ever swam by some 44 laps

To top off my swimming capabilities, the day after I went for a swim again and managed another 64 laps! 2 miles in 2 days – something I would have never been able to do 12 months ago!

Am a bit gutted about the cycling, but am going to have to give it a miss for another week. Thankfully with my daughter starting big school on Thursday, I would only have been cycling in twice this week – but my body needs a bloody good rest and my chest needs to recover ASAP.

Still, I climbed that fucker in the pictures above

Oh, and I forgot… Today we walked up the Orme and came across this sign:

Yup, thats right – a new addition to the Pinnocchio pics. This is my favourite:

And then, I suppose there is this to tell you all about:

And a couple of Pinnocchio ones to finish off the post.

And for those who didn’t see this on Facebook.

Yes yes yes. A blog about biking – but I’ve not been able to ride!

Now I know some of you won’t be impressed, but we all have to start somewhere.

I’m new to photoshop. I’ve been using it properly for 24 hours.

Some of you know, I’ve recently had an obsession with Pinnocchio too.  Some people have also commented that I have too much time on my hands amongst other things. Thing is – I’m trying to learn a new and complex tool, and I’m also trying to enjoy myself at the same time. If you have a problem with that clench your right fist, stick the middle finger out and turn your fist around so its pointing at you :p

Here are my photoshop attempts. Hopefully, I’ll get much better soon. Originals will appear on the left, edited ones on the right.

And my current favourite (although Blair Witch I enjoyed the most)

And now, Platoon isn’t my favourite – this one is.

There are many flaws in each one – but thats what learning is all about. Any tips you have are more than welcome.

Cheers

I was boasting (alhtough, I don’t know why I was boasting) not so long ago on a secret blog ran by a reader of my blog (you’ll get to know much much more about this over the coming months) and I commented – nay exclaimed, that in my previous life, I was an artist of sorts. I’d cartooned a couple of books (never released, 1 that I did without realising it had already been done ) and drawn some caricatures, and left it at that.

The picture of Rolf Harris (which I think is what started it off) got mentioned on his blog a couple of times, and every time, I promised that I would go in the loft and dig out the pictures that my wife had moved up there in the great nesting spree of 2005.

Alas, every time I went up, I could not for the life of me find them. That is until now!

You’ll have to excuse the crappy quality – I’ve had to photograph them on the iPhone as I don’t have a scanner set up on my PC (I don’t even know whether Louise’s PC has a scanner attached), but I will scan it all in over the coming weeks and hopefully surprise some of you…

First the serious stuff…

And now some caricatures (or images that I tried to make ‘look like’ people):

Dunno why I did to Brucie’s, but the things you do as kids eh! For those perceptive people out there, you’ll realise that these where done 13 / 14 years ago – when I was 20 (ish). Also, am unsure whether I actually copied the picture of the Queen from somewhere else – the rest I didn’t, but that Queen is playing on my mind.

There’s plenty more to come if I can be bothered, including 101 Things To Do With A Dead Snake, A Day In The Life Of An Office Junior and a whole shit load of pictures of cartoon characters smoking spliffs that I drew when I was under the influence…

Ok – Rafe, the valuable man from Da’h Sarf somewhere has come up with a great idea for the Memorial Ride (you know, the one to celebrate the loss of his thumb – or an opportunity to rip the piss out of him for a weekend)…

Rafe has suggested that we meet up in Llandudno next year for a few reasons, and I agree with the idea so am putting it to you lovely people who will be and want to be joining us.

The suggested weekend is the weekend commenting 30th April, 2011.

Not only are the routes from Llandudno out to Anglesey / Snowdonia (we can decide at a later date) fantastic, it also gives us all time to arrange accomodation for that weekend…

It will be busy, and will be booked up pretty soon, and the real reason that Rafe would like to do this weekend is that there is a wierd transport / steam festival and a Victorian Extravaganza with lots of fair rides.

So there you have it – approximately 8 months to sort your arses out, save up, book rooms and arrange travel. carrie might struggle unless she brings her blessed little angel on her bike ride and tit feeds them every 2 hours. Might be a struggle for the foreigners who read the blog too, but you can always be there in spirit.

Whaddaya thoughts?